Fortunately this episode has nothing to do with Tom Cruise.
We start with Minkus and Topanga giving a report on what they did with their imaginary money. I gather that everyone was supposed to invest their imaginary money in something and… learn about fiscal responsibility or something. Cory and Shawn of course have not even started on the project, which is due the following week.
Out in the hallway, Shawn, Cory, and Minkus exchange insults, and Minkus decides he wants to make it interesting – forget Feeny’s imaginary project and invest some REAL money in… something. Whoever gets the most money at the end wins… Topanga’s hand in marriage, I don’t know.
Shawn says he has an uncle who bets on horses, and is some kind of horse race betting savant or something. Cory very understandably wonders, if Shawn’s uncle is so great at betting on horses, why does he live in a trailer park? It could be that he’s maybe saving it for his kids, or maybe he just lives in a trailer for the low rent, but the trailer is full of big screen TVs and state-of-the-art appliances. I don’t know. Personally I wonder just how many relatives Shawn actually has. I think by the end of the series he must’ve mentioned like 10 uncles.
Anyway, later on, Shawn and Cory are sitting in Cory’s kitchen, waiting for the horse race to come on the radio, because… I guess they broadcast horse races on the radio. While waiting, Shawn finds a valentine that’s from Alan to Amy, and Cory says his parents are always being gross and lovey-dovey like that (Alan refers to Amy by the pet name “Boom Boom” in the love note).
The horse Shawn and Cory bet on wins, and the two won $99, which is a heck of a lot of money for two 11-year olds in 1993. Or for pretty much anyone right now.
Amy comes in and finds Alan’s love note, and she asks Cory if he’d be willing to babysit Morgan this Friday; she started babysitting when she was 12 and Cory is apparently 12 by now, so why not? She’ll even pay him $2! Cory tells her to keep the two bucks and buy herself something pretty.
The next day (possibly) at class, Cory and Shawn give their report on making their “Imaginary” investments in gambling. Minkus is shocked that they gambled instead of investing, and points out that it’s illegal for minors to gamble. But Feeny says it was only imaginary anyway, so there’s really no big deal.
Later, Cory and Shawn are eating Twizzlers or some other red licorice (this is at least the second time I’ve seen middle-school aged kids buy licorice after winning $100 – what is up with that? I mean, I always buy candy when I get money, but it’s usually chocolate bars and not red licorice).
Eric comes in and shares some stuff about his dating experiences, and finds another love note – this time from Amy to Alan, telling him to meet her at the “place where he proposed”. Somehow this leads to Cory deciding they ought to bet their money again and increase their profits. Shawn thinks he’s crazy – they just won $100, do they really want to risk losing it, etc. But Cory insists, and then…
…they end up winning $600. Cory’s got the gambling bug now!
So now it’s Friday, and Cory is tasked with babysitting Morgan. His parents have already left for their date, but it seems they can’t find each other. I’m totally sure they didn’t end up going to different restaurants or anything.
Shawn calls and says Lenny Dykstra is… somewhere, the card shop, I think, and he’s signing autographs! Once again I happen to know that’s a baseball player, despite my very limited knowledge of sports. Cory tells Morgan to come with him, but she says since Cory won’t play with her, she’s not going to do what he wants to do. He’s fine with it, as long as she promises to stay out of trouble while he’s gone.
So immediately after he leaves, Morgan opens the door to wave goodbye to him, then turns on the stereo. She then does what anyone home alone does, and dances like an idiot.
Then she throws her doll and it knocks over a thing that breaks the glass in the side door.
Why is it this house has so many doors leading to the outside, anyway?
Morgan pulls the “Home Alone” face and runs out the back door.
Sometimes later, Shawn and Cory come back, with newly autographed baseball cards. After about a minute, Cory realizes he didn’t leave the front door open. Then he sees the destruction scene in the living room and realizes Morgan is gone, probably kidnapped.
He runs into the backyard, where Feeny happens to be randomly sitting. Cory goes into a sort of rant about taking bad risks, and first Feeny thinks he’s talking about the imaginary money for the project, but then Cory says he’s talking about Morgan. But never fear, because Morgan is just in the tree house.
Cory apologizes for leaving Morgan alone, and says he’ll take the blame for the broken window, since it’s sort of his fault, for leaving her alone and all.
Alan and Amy come back from their failed date, with Amy scolding Alan for going to the wrong restaurant. How could he forget something so important!
Alan apologizes again and again and asks if he’ll ever be forgiven. Amy’s like “maaaaybeeee” and they kiss and the audience cheers at the volume level they do whenever Cory mentions Beavis and Butthead (which is to say, they cheer VERY LOUDLY).
It wasn’t even a really hot kiss or anything, I don’t know what’s up with this audience sometimes.
They kiss again and the audience goes wild AGAIN, and Amy asks Alan what restaurant he ended up going to, instead of the fancy French restaurant they were obviously supposed to meet at. Alan says, embarrassed, that he went to Phil’s Grill – the obvious implication that it’s kind of a lower-brow place that isn’t nearly as beautiful and romantic to get engaged in.
Amy’s about to chastise Alan for being so stupid when she stops short with an “Oh.” She tries to hurry and go inside but Alan stops her – that “oh” was definitely an “Oops, I made a big mistake” kind of “oh”.
It turns out that Alan was right – he DID propose to Amy at Phil’s Grill. Amy was sort of right – she DID get proposed to at the French restaurant she went to – just not by Alan.
She got proposed to by “some guy”, and didn’t tell Alan because she thought he’d get angry. Alan goes off and says well sure she thinks that, she knows him but he doesn’t know her. Does she have another family with that guy? “Vera, Chuck, and Dave waiting for their mother who stepped out for gum 18 years ago?” [fun fact: Vera, Chuck, and Dave are the grandchildren mentioned in The Beatles’ song “When I’m 64”]
Alan and Amy continue arguing as they go into the living room, where Cory is reading a story to Morgan on the couch, which is covered in stuffed animals. It takes them a few seconds to notice the destructive scene in the background.
Considering this is Pennsylvania in what is apparently mid-February, it seems like someone should’ve noticed a big draft coming from the broken window, but… oh well. Maybe their house is just always cold, or something.
Alan demands to know what happened, and Cory explains it’s all his fault and he’ll pay for it out of his own money. Alan wants to know exactly how he’ll be doing that with his low allowance, and Cory says he’d explain, but all the ensuing yelling and screaming would wake up his poor baby sister.
Amazingly, the scene changes without any further dialog, and Feeny announces that Cory and Shawn made the most profits out of anyone in the class. Cory says something about learning from mistakes, and the bell rings and everyone leaves, except Minkus and Shawn.
Shawn says he forgot to give Minkus his valentine, with all the excitement going on, and hands Minkus a card. Minkus consults with Esteemed Feeny before opening it, with Feeny looking over his shoulder. The card says something marginally Valentine’s Day-related, followed by “turn around”. They do, and…
Cory and Shawn have… Nerf guns. For some reason.
Minkus heads for cover and Feeny goes behind his desk to get…
A Nerf gun?? Daaaang, Feeny is BOSS.
Just look at that face he’s making, geez.
During the credits, Cory gives his mom a single red rose. It’s all the money he and Shawn had left over after paying to get the window and the vase fixed.
Alan comes in shortly after that with a whole bouquet of roses, apologizing for his jealous behavior. He says that while Amy may have been proposed to twice, she only said “yes” once.
Amy replies, “So… what makes you think I was only proposed to twice?”
Then they kiss.
So what I learned from this episode is, it’s totally fine to gamble on horse races and nothing bad will come of it, but you absolutely cannot leave a 5 year old in the house alone.
I think the lesson was supposed to be about being careful with what risks you take, but I’m not sure.
By the way, Eric disappeared like halfway through the episode. He didn’t really have much of a storyline going on anyway, just crazy Eric dating antics.