BMW – 210, “Sister Theresa”; November 25, 1994

So I’ve done the math, and if I continue to only write one recap of this show a week, it’ll be about another two and a half years before we get to the finale. Who knows what sort of awesome hoverboard technology we’ll have by then. Maybe I won’t continue it that long because I get eaten by a bear on February 23, 2014. Well, if Billysuperstar can make it through 3+ years of doing a weekly review of Full House, I can make it through three years of doing this. (Just as a by-the-way, I had the idea to do a tv review blog before I heard about Full House Reviewed, but finding that website encouraged me to actually get around to writing entries for this blog).

21001

Amy comes home from grocery shopping, her arms full of bags. Cory is in the kitchen, microwaving something, and won’t help Amy. A bag falls out of Amy’s arm, and we find out that Cory was microwaving his socks, for that “fresh-out-of-the-dryer” feel. Cory, having microwaved his socks, helps put away the groceries, and by that I mean he pulls out the celery and dips it in the brand new jar of peanut butter. Alan walks in, also eating celery straight from the peanut butter jar, and no one bothers to ask Amy why she had to bring three heavy bags of groceries in at once, or why she went shopping alone when there’s 4 other people who live in that house.

The next day at school, Cory tells Shawn that his mom told him that if he acted polite for just one day, she bets people would really notice. Considering the entire school has found out about literally everything else Cory has done so far, I guess it’s plausible that people would notice if Cory was suddenly polite.

Feeny comes into the hall, and sneezes. Cory tells him “bless you.” Feeny is taken aback by this sudden, unexpected politeness. Eric enters the hall. Cory runs to hold the bathroom door open for Eric, and asks if he can be of any further assistance.

21002

Cory bumps into some girl who… I don’t know, was going to use the boy’s restroom. The girl, played by Danielle Harris who was the voice of Debbie Thornberry on “The Wild Thornberries” and who also played a short-term recurring character on “Roseanne”, likes Cory being so polite (he apologized after bumping into her, and picks up her book for her – twice), and gives him her number. Her name is Theresa, but her friends call her TK.

21003

Cory spent two hours talking with TK on the phone last night. That beats his previous record by, like, two hours. They really hit it off, so it’s a good thing Topanga isn’t in this episode at all. Turner reads off the morning announcements, and then Theresa shows up. She got transferred to Turner’s homeroom… and I suppose also his English class.

21004

Also she sent Cory a wreath and a candy clown. And sirloin steaks. Several of them.

...That guy is TALL. iMDB says he's 6'9
…That guy is TALL. iMDB says he’s 6’9″. Holy cow. Alan looks like a 12 year old next to him.

Amy tells Cory that TK is just trying to buy his affections, and blahblahblah.

The next day at school, Cory talks to Theresa about all the stuff she’s sending. He sort of collides with Joey and Frankie, and instead of beating Cory to a pulp, they apologize and run away. Harley comes out of the bathroom and asks Cory how he’s doing, specifically calling him Cory instead of Baboon.  HOW ODD.

21006

Cory gets in trouble for this graffito, despite there not being any evidence he did it, and the phrasing indicating that TK did it, and not CM. Cory also suggests that the graffito is about how someone named TK loves corn muffins. I wish that whole love note thing was more offensive, because I’ve been itching for a chance to say “injurious graffito” for a while.

Shawn advises Cory to get out of this clearly crazy relationship while he still can, so Cory breaks off his date with TK. She is clearly upset and says something to the effect of “you’ll rue this day, Cory Matthews!” Then Theresa doesn’t show up to the class she just transferred to. Cory and Shawn gossip about this, and then Joey shows up to tell Turner that someone might’ve just run over his motorcycle. Turner runs out to check on it, and Frankie ushers everyone else out of the classroom – everyone except Cory. Then Harley arrives. He is upset. Someone has broken the heart of his dear, sweet, baby sister, Theresa. OH SNAP.

The only reason Harley isn’t killing Cory is because Theresa said he was a perfect gentleman. So, Harley is willing to let Cory take Theresa to the movies like he was planning  on doing before anyway.

21007

Cory is specifically dressed like a ventriloquist dummy to look as unappealing as possible, so Theresa will break it off with him so he won’t get killed. Frankie arrives to chauffeur Cory and Theresa to the movies. As Cory leaves, Eric asks if he has any last words, and Cory says to tell mom “Politeness kills.”

Frankie and Theresa leave to get snacks, and Shawn just arrives from nowhere – apparently he lives right next to the drive-in theater. He has a plan to get Cory out of the date, but Cory’s afraid of what will happen to him if he ditches while actually on a date with Harley Keiner’s sister.

TK comes back, and Cory tries to get her to talk about baseball – because the show just remembered he likes baseball, I guess. She doesn’t want to talk about it, saying she had a real bad time at a Philly’s game once. After some prodding, she explains that one time, on her 8th birthday, her dad took her to see the Philly’s, even arranged it so her name would show up on the scoreboard. Then he starts chatting up some bimbo and leaves to get popcorn and Theresa never saw him again. She just sat there for hours until the ballpark people called her mom. Her mom was “under the weather”, so her brother Harvey rode his bike down to get her.

Cory is a bit stuck on the “Harvey” part. Harley Keiner’s real name is Harvey. With a “V”.

21008
There are actually three people in this screenshot.

Cory says he’d be okay with dating Theresa, if she would be willing to take it much slower than she is, but she says she’s not that kind of girl. She pulls Cory on top of her and then Harley – Harvey – shows up unexpectedly and tries to kill Cory. Cory climbs out through the sun roof and Shawn whisks him away via bicycle. I only wish I could make something like that up.

21009

Cory is hiding in Shawn’s locker to avoid those guys. But they happen to walk by while the locker door is open. Harley makes everyone leave so he can talk to Baboon alone. He is angry at Cory trying to defile his pure baby sister. Cory tells Harley that Theresa was the fast one, she was all over him. Harley doesn’t believe him, but Cory keeps insisting, so Harley asks this random crowd of guys in the hall if TK is as fast as Cory says she is. They all say “Oh yeah, heh heh,” and then Harley makes them scatter after revealing she’s his sister.

Harley has a heart-to-heart with Cory, telling him that although he cares deeply for his sister, he can’t be around for her all the time. He was hoping Cory could date her, because Cory’s nice. He says if Cory and TK decide to keep dating, that’s totally up to them. If it does work out, and Cory wants to take her out again, Cory should be sure to take her out somewhere nice – he says while handing Cory a wad of bills – because his sister deserves it.

21010

Cory asks if they’re sort of friends now, Harley says no, and they go their separate ways. Shawn is still stuck inside the locker that Frankie shoved him into earlier. And very much to the show’s credit, it’s the same locker he always ends up in, and seems to consistently be Shawn’s locker. Other shows, they just use whatever the heck lockers they want, with no consistency in where the lockers are in relation to each other or other landmarks in the hallway.

21011

Theresa brought a bunch of lobsters to have dinner at the Matthews home. She tries very hard to be polite and civilized, until Eric notices one of the lobsters is missing a claw and she explodes and says she’ll kill the guy who did this… and then realizes how she sounds so she sits back down to be polite and civilized. And she was never seen again.

What is it about this show and sisters? First there’s Shawn’s sister Stacey, who we never even saw. Then there was Nebula Lawrence, who we only saw and heard of once, even though Eric was clearly interested in her, and it would’ve made for a cool dynamic to have Topanga and Nebula become recurring characters. And then there’s Theresa Keiner, who is only in this one episode, but to be fair, most of the “girl of the week” girls are only in the one episode, regardless of who they are or who they know. And then there’s Morgan, who will disappear for several episodes and then come back, apparently several years older, with a different personality. A horrible, horrible personality.

It’d be funny if Girl Meets World did the opposite – all of Riley’s friends have random brothers who we only hear of in one episode. Of course, I’d rather they keep the completely pointless, one-episode characters to a minimum.

Plaid count:
Shirts – 17
Skirts – 2

There’s this parody/troll blog on tumblr about how everyone steals Miley Cyrus’s style, and one post was about this Scottish actress TOTALLY stealing Miley Cyrus’s idea of wearing a plaid shirt over a plain shirt. Everyone was yelling how Miley Cyrus didn’t steal any fashion choices from Amy Pond, and I was just like “I think you mean she stole her style from 1993, guys. Really.”

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