BMW – 211, “The Beard”; December 9, 1994

No, this episode is not about character getting a girlfriend to keep people from thinking he’s gay.

Which reminds me – with all this Girl Meets World buzz, a lot of people are demanding the show be exactly like Boy Meets World, and thus it has to handle very heavy, important topics in just about every episode. To that I say, have you watched Boy Meets World? Let’s take a look at all the very heavy, serious topics the show has covered over its first one and a half seasons:

  • Learning how to balance time between your schoolwork and once-in-a-lifetime opportunities
  • Working hard can be its own reward
  • Sometimes life puts you in second place, but that doesn’t make you a loser
  • Weird people are just like everyone else
  • Never take girl advice from your older brother

The only really serious episode so far was the one where Shawn blew up the mailbox. Apparently there are some people who are insisting that Girl Meets World cover stuff like eating disorders, divorce, death, and abuse in its first season. In the first season of a Disney Channel show whose main character is a 13 year old girl. I’m fine with the show covering more serious topics, but let’s keep in mind that Boy Meets World only started covering more serious stuff in its later seasons, and those episodes were generally pretty spaced out, other than a block of emotionally heavy but necessarily theme-heavy episodes one after another in the 6th or 7th season.

If you want a show about a 13 year old girl, the child of one of the characters of a show that finished airing about ten years ago, where the show covers important and serious issues in a school setting, you should maybe think about watching Degrassi.

Rant over.


Amy is planning on buying a new car. Eric and Cory recommend she get a new Ferrari. She settles on getting a van, because it would work great for camping, and she could fit everyone in the van for soccer… I guess Morgan is still on a soccer team. Alan makes some comment about women that I didn’t care to remember.

In Turner’s class, they’re discussing Hamlet. Hm… Hamlet on Boy Meets World… Nah, doesn’t ring a bell. Some girl, sitting in Topanga’s seat despite not being Topanga, hands a note behind her. Cory thinks it’s for him, but nope. It’s for Shawn. Because of course.

In Feeny’s class, they’re discussing the Cuban Missile Crisis, and a different girl hands Cory a note. And it’s still for Shawn.

I can only look at this shot for so long before dissolving into a puddle of giggles.

Shawn doesn’t know who to pick – Linda or Stacy, which I remember being the names of Eric’s Japanese girlfriend and Shawn’s sister, respectively; whichever one is Stacy was in the episode “Pairing Off”, playing Jacqueline, also. Cory tells him to man up and just choose, but Shawn doesn’t think he can. Cory points out that he chose at lunch – he chose one food over another. Shawn says that was just because it was one thing or the other, and Cory chose the other, so Shawn figured he could just steal some of Cory’s lunch if he didn’t like his. And so, Shawn has an idea.

So Shawn is going to go out with one girl and have Cory go out with the other one until he can figure out who he wants more. Of course, there’s another problem in that Shawn can’t decide which of the girls he wants to date while Cory dates the other one. What would sitcoms be like if polygamy and polyandry were widely accepted throughout the world? Half of every show’s storylines would just be kaput. No more “Oh I like her, but I also like HER, I don’t know who to choose!” It would be “Hey, I like both of you” and then “We accept this and will both date you.”


So that locker is apparently actually Joey’s, and not Shawn’s, even though Shawn said it was his in the last episode.

Some guy named Rick is hitting on one of the girls Shawn likes. Cory tells him that he has to come see this, there’s this guy hitting on a girl who’s obviously not interested in him! Oh wait, that’s Rick! Rick says “Your loss” and journeys down the hallway of no return.

Blonde girl: Thanks. I never know what to say when creepy guys are hitting on me.
Cory: Yeah, me neither.

Blonde girl wants to know if Shawn is avoiding her. Cory asks what she could possibly mean by that, when Shawn shows up to talk to Cory, but then runs off when he notices Blonde Girl. Cory assures her that Shawn actually likes her, and sort of ends up flirting with her. She likes it, and they end up going to Chubbie’s.

Cory shows Blonde Girl the ins and outs of how to order at Chubbie’s, and things are going well. But then Shawn and the Other Girl show up. Cory has to distract Blonde Girl – I’m pretty sure she’s Linda –¬† and she ends up kissing him.


Alan bought a brand new minivan for Amy, to surprise her. He is indicating the car is parked in our direction, which only serves to increase my confusion as to where the driveway actually is. Most of the time it seems to be along the left side of the house – that’s where everyone usually comes from when they get back from somewhere. But I guess they also have a driveway on the right side.

Amy doesn’t like the car. It’s not the one she wanted. When I phrase it like that, it sounds more trivial than it is. Going out to buy a car – a car your wife is going to primarily use – without consulting your wife, is not a good idea. Alan and Amy go into the living room to have a chat.

Then Cory asks Eric for advice about girls, despite there being two previous episodes where Eric giving Cory girl advice ended badly. Eric commends Cory on no longer being “safe”, and Cory is excited to have a girlfriend who he can kiss whenever he wants – once again, it sure is a good thing Topanga doesn’t exist in this episode! But Eric wonders what will happen if Shawn and the other girl end up breaking up – surely Shawn will want Blonde Girl in that case?


Feeny continues his lesson on the Cuban Missile Crisis, phrased in a way that parallels Cory’s situation, and Cory blurts out something relevant to his problem and sort of relevant to Kennedy’s. Feeny tells him to put his head down and take a nap.

Shawn and Brunette Girl have a disagreement about movies, and break up. And wouldn’t you know it, Shawn says he’ll just go out with Blonde Girl instead! And Blonde Girl is the very girl Cory likes!

Brunette has the same trouble ordering at Chubbie’s that Blonde had before. Cory helps her out, and has a chat with her. He says he can’t stand seeing her and Shawn apart from each other, and that Shawn is really sweet, and she should give him a chance. Cory takes Brunette’s hand and says “I’m begging you!” and wouldn’t you know it!


Blonde girl – Linda! Her name is Linda! – walks in. Cory and Brunette Stacy say Cory was just talking about Shawn, and Blonde Linda is all “Did he show you how to order, too?” They get into a thing about how Cory acts all nice and just steals girls from Shawn. Shawn shows up, because of course, and the two girls are all over Shawn before leaving.

Cory is upset, and yells at Shawn about how this is his fault, Shawn thought Cory was safe and asked him to babysit one girl while he dated the other, blahblah, and wouldn’t you know it!


Both girls are now disgusted with both Cory and Shawn. Literally everyone in Chubbie’s calls both boys scum, the Stacy hits Shawn with her purse, and the two girls leave again. Cory misses Linda, Shawn misses them both, and Shawn agrees never to think of Cory as “safe” again.


Amy and Alan are at the car place, to return the car. The car salesman is really gentle and understanding, and basically schedules them for couples counseling. With him. The car salesman. Yeah.

…I don’t know what else to say about this episode. I’m not sure what’s going on, but this is probably my shortest review yet, and it has the least amount of screenshots in it. Maybe because this episode was so blah. I did stop putting in the giant chunks of “said this, did this” I put in my earlier recaps. I left out some jokes… I don’t know. I like being more succinct with these things, but it’s still weird to be writing recaps under 1600 words when I have several recaps that are over 3000 words long.

Plaid count:
Shirts – 17
Skirt – 3
Pants – 1


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