I had a nice backlog of these posts, where I had written all of them in in April and May so they wouldn’t catch up with me. But now they have (sidenote: I couldn’t pick what I wanted to review for the rest of Christmas in July, so I owe you all a Christmas in August).
Cory and Shawn are watching some girl – named Veronica Watson, which sounds like a better name for Veronica from Archie comics than Veronica Lodge – in a fight with her boyfriend. They break up, and Shawn takes his chance to swoop in and ask her out, which is a really sleezey thing to do in real life, but it’s a sitcom set in high school, so it’s okay. Shawn suggests they go out on Friday, but Veronica doesn’t think she’s ready to date quite yet. Shawn instead suggests Saturday and she agrees. Shawn basks in his victory and a huge crowd of guys show up to try to ask Veronica out, but Shawn got to her first,so they’re out of luck until She and Shawn inevitably don’t work out by the end of the episode.
Shawn is excited about this date with Veronica, and expresses a desire to be a fly on the wall during the date (do people still use that expression, “fly on the wall”?). Cory points out that he’s actually going on the date, so he wouldn’t need to be spying on himself on the date, and then says that Shawn has to remember to ask Cory’s parents for permission to go out. Shawn and the audience are confused, because Shawn lives with Turner now, but apparently Turner is going out of town this weekend, so Shawn is staying with the Matthews.
Now, I know it’s technically illegal in some states to leave kids under 16 or so alone for a certain amount of time, but it’s just the weekend. Although it is Shawn….
Anyway, curfew at the Matthews house is 10 pm, which is a problem, because their date starts at 8. Turner arrives on cue and Shawn starts pestering him to ask if he could stay by himself over the weekend. Now, the really obvious solution I see here, is to explain to Veronica that he’s staying with his friend’s parents, and they’re total squares and he has to be home by 10, so would it be okay to start the date earlier? I mean, what would be so horrible if they started the date at 7, or heck, even at lunchtime? I’d be okay with spending an afternoon with a guy on the first date, rather than spending the evening with him.
Turner tells Shawn no dice, he has to stay with the Matthews this weekend. Cory tells Shawn it’s no big deal, because he has Topanga over all the time and things are okay. Shawn isn’t so thrilled, though, but Cory promises to talk to his parents.
Feeny tells Turner to start Monday’s staff meeting without him, because he’s going to the dentist that day. I’m not sure how relevant that will be to the story later. Feeny spots Eric and says “Mr. Matthews, a question.” Eric asks a question about “That French guy who fixed the milk?” Feeny pauses and tells him no, he’s wondering where Eric’s 10-page paper is. Eric has no idea what he’s talking about, but apparently it was due last year, and Feeny demands he turn it in by Monday.
Right, so, it was due last year? Those grades are already turned in and done with, Feeny. Also, a 10-page paper? I didn’t have to write anything that long in college. Although I do seem to remember writing long papers/essays/whatever in high school. That was so long ago, though.
Ah, well. Later we see Eric on the phone. He’s ordering a 10-page paper from some guy who writes research papers for money. Since these “let’s just use a paper your older sibling wrote last year / order a paper from a service” plots have only ever worked out well with no one being caught cheating, I know Eric will be no exception [note: sarcasm]. Cory comes downstairs and finds out Topanga called an hour ago, said she would be on the line for half an hour, and Eric didn’t write any message from her down or anything. Cory’s upset, because he’s been sitting around, waiting for that phone call. I have no idea why he didn’t hear the phone ring, or why he wasn’t sitting at the kitchen table next to the phone in that case, but whatever. Eric tells him “Life’s tough, get a helmet” and he hits Cory in the forehead.
Also they have the long, corded phone again, after apparently having a cordless with an answering machine two episodes ago.
Shawn arrives, Eric feigns enthusiasm and says they don’t spend enough time together, and that they ought to just wear one giant shirt. Frankly I wouldn’t put it past them.
Cory tells Shawn that his parents have reservations at some restaurant on Saturday, and that he’s secretly canceled the reservations, so he figures that’ll be like an hour extra of them waiting for a table, plus however long it takes them to eat and come back. Cory has not factored in the possibility that his parents might just come back home or go to another restaurant upon finding their reservations are lost, or that the restaurant may find a way to seat them anyway.
Shawn and Veronica are making out on the couch, when Amy and Alan come home unexpectedly early. You see, when they found the restaurant lost their reservations, they just went to another restaurant. If only sitcom characters were as genre savvy as I am.
Amy and Alan skedaddle into the kitchen to have coffee, and Cory heads upstairs, to leave Shawn and Veronica alone. But then the doorbell rings and Eric runs downstairs to get it. It must be the paper he ordered! Which for some reason came in the mail at like 9 at night! Actually it’s Feeny, who is using the front door instead of the back door because…? He says stuff like “You thought you were so clever and you’d get away with it,” making Eric and the audience think he’s caught Eric cheating, but actually he just assumed Eric intentionally gave the wrong address to his order so it would go to Feeny’s house and Feeny would have to pay for the postage [why didn’t the paper writer guys pay for the postage already?]
After the date, Shawn is upstairs, pacing back and forth. Cory tells him to just take another cold shower, but Shawn says he’s already used up all the cold water. He says he has no choice but to go back and see Veronica, so he tries to climb out the window. Cory says it would be great if just once, Shawn actually stayed over when he stayed over, and then Shawn stops. Not because he feels guilty or realizes he could do something in the shower to help calm down his raging hormones, but because Amy and Alan are making out in the backyard (instead of their bedroom??? what is with the people in this house?)
Shawn starts pacing again, wondering how he’s going to get out, and devises this crazy scheme where he can climb up the chimney. Cory points out that if his parents are in the backyard, Shawn could just go out the front door. That’s nice to see someone displaying some logic for once in this episode.
One short cut later, we see Shawn and Veronica, entering Turner’s apartment, and…
Shawn tries to say he’s just giving Veronica a tour of teachers’ homes, but Turner’s not buying it, because… yeah, that’s a really stupid lie. The woman Turner’s with – who I’m pretty sure isn’t the teacher he was dating before – says she’ll take Veronica home and they can finish their date later. Turner starts chewing Shawn out, because he’s supposed to be at the Matthews, and doesn’t say anything about how Shawn is like 14 and bringing a 14 year old girl with him to be alone in his apartment.
But then Shawn is like “Wait a minute, how was the wedding?” Turner sort of stumbles and Shawn says “That tuxedo, does it come in tuxedo?” which is a pretty hilarious line, really. Turner says he’s an adult, and Shawn asks if that’s supposed to mean that Turner can lie and he can’t. Rather than pointing out that, yeah, that’s exactly what that means, he says he just needed some alone time in his own place for once. Shawn gets all bent out of shape and is all “Yeah, your place,” and he leaves.
Turner shows up at the Matthews/Feeny backyard, and wakes up Feeny. Feeny is with a lady-friend. It is heavily implied the reason Feeny won’t be available for the staff meeting on Monday morning is because he’ll be too exhausted with his lady-friend – which is really weird, if you remember this is supposed to be Saturday night. But apparently the woman is also Feeny’s dentist, so there’s that.
Alan sticks his head out and says it’s not a good time for Turner to be there – apparently Eric and Cory (and hopefully Morgan, but she still isn’t in this season) are the only people in all of Pennsylvania who aren’t getting some action this evening – but Turner explains he’s looking for Shawn. Alan calls down for Shawn, and Cory comes down. Cory says he’s obviously not Shawn, and he for once doesn’t know where Shawn is, and is glad. My first guess would be he went to Veronica’s house, personally.
Alan guesses what happened – Turner lied to be with his girlfriend – and Amy’s voice wafts from downstairs, saying the bathtub is full and the candles are lit, and she comes down in a red nightie, and goes back upstairs all embarrassed when she sees Turner.
Turner says he’s going to go look for Shawn, and Alan asks him where he’s going to start looking. Turner doesn’t know, and then gets all sad about being a bad parent. Alan says everyone feels that way, and one time when Eric was 4, he lost him at an amusement park, and Eric rode a roller coaster for 6 hours. Then Eric comes in, reading the paper he ordered. He says it sure is funny that the Manhattan Project didn’t even happen in Manhattan, it happened in New Mexico, and that they should’ve called it the New Mexico project in that case. Turner and Alan make a face and wonder if the 6 hours on the roller coaster had anything to do with Eric being so dumb. I don’t know anything about the Manhattan Project, but I don’t think it’s stupid to assume it would’ve taken place in Manhattan. I mean, I’d guess it had to do with, say, street development or something. Apparently it had to do with developing atomic bombs during World War II, though. Eric’s said a lot of dumb stuff on this show, but I don’t think that’s particularly stupid of him, really.
Turner heads back to his apartment – I’m not sure if this is after he spent hours driving around the city, looking for Shawn – and discovers Shawn sitting on the couch. Shawn says when he left, he realized he didn’t have anywhere to go, so he just came back. The two patch things up, and Shawn says that if Turner wants to spend some alone time with a lady, all he has to do is tell Shawn, and he can find something to do for the night. They have reached an accord, and agree not to lie to each other anymore, and also Veronica is hiding behind the couch. I’m not sure if we ever see her again.
At school, Feeny says there’s a problem with Eric’s paper – he was supposed to write about the Manhattan Project, but the paper he turned in is about Abraham Lincoln – specifically, it’s a paper Shawn wrote on Abe Lincoln the previous year. Eric says that’s impossible because he bought the paper himself, then corrects to say he wrote the paper himself. Feeny has caught him cheating because of Eric being a real idiot this time – he read the paper, or at least skimmed it, ahead of time. He should’ve remembered that the paper he had over the weekend was on the Manhattan Project, and been concerned about how it apparently transmogrified into Abe Lincoln.
So, in the background, during that conversation, Cory is standing there, and it looks like he’s talking to someone, but there’s no one around him listening to him. So it’s really weird, he’s just back there moving his mouth and reacting to something no one is saying.
It turns out he’s in the shot, though, because it was actually him who switched Eric’s paper with Shawn’s paper. Eric is upset, and Cory tells him “Life’s tough, get a helmet.” He hits Eric in the forehead and runs off. Eric then excuses himself from Feeny’s presence, saying he’s about to make more room at the dinner table, and runs after Cory.
So I think we all learned a very valuable lesson about… erm… properly scheduling booty calls. Also I’m not sure if Shawn actually has his own room in Turner’s apartment, but Amy and Alan are fine with having sexy time while their children are in the house, but Turner has to lie and make Shawn leave for the weekend? Why didn’t he just get a hotel or something? Or go to his girlfriend’s house? Why didn’t anyone in this episode just go to their girlfriend’s house?
The world may never know.
Skirts: Possibly 2