Toons from the Crypt

So much for Halloween month! Oy.

Well, here’s a spooky-themed episode of Tiny Toon Adventures.

toonscrypt01We open on a creepy old house, full of skeletons. I don’t know if if it’s creepier or not that all the skeletons are of animals on a show where the majority of the cast is also animals. It’s certainly weird, at the very least.

Then we have Buster Bunny popping out of a coffin… or a trunk, it looks more like, dressed as the Crypt-Keeper from “Tales from the Crypt”. Here the episode title reference should become immediately obvious.

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Buster looks genuinely creepy in this get-up, I have to say.  Wouldn’t want to run into him in a dark alley.

Also, I seem to recall there being a similar “scary” episode of Tiny Toons hosted by Elmyra in an obvious parody of Elvira and Elvira’s Movie Macabre. Maybe that’s coming up in this episode, I don’t know.

Anyway, our first toon from the crypt is called “Wait Til Your Father Gets Even”, and stars Hamton Pig, and presumably involves his father in some capacity.

It starts with Hamton and Plucky Duck playing jacks, and Plucky is gleefully cheating Hamton, with Hamton (oy I’m getting tired of typing Hamton) blissfully unaware. Not much is going on when suddenly my computer’s DVD software suddenly switches the audio to Spanish.

I restore the audio to English, and Plucky wants to make a deal with Hamton – he’ll bet his halo (yes, halo) against Hamton’s dad’s bottle cap collection. Of course Plucky wins, leaving Hamton alone and ashamed and afraid to face his father. No one mentions why he brought his dad’s bottle caps to play jacks with Plucky. also Hamton says something about how he’ll never gamble again, and now he knows what Pete Rose feels like. This is one of many instances on this show of references that its target audience probably would not have understood, while being a bonus gag for the adult audience. However, I am an adult, I do not understand that reference (although I do know Pete Rose is a baseball player, although I don’t know how or why I know that), possibly because that reference is apparently, according to Wikipedia, apparently years old.

Ham comes home, his mom yells at him and tells him to upstairs without supper and to “just wait til your father comes home!” This episode isn’t very scary so far. Also, I know kids winning things for keepsies is a difficult legal barrier to work through (no it’s not), but, I don’t know, just go back and tell Plucky you have to have the bottle caps back, challenge him to a different game, have your mom talk to Plucky’s mom… something!

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Hamton seems to live in a hotel room, based on the sparse and generic decor. Ham has a daydream about his dad banishing him to… I don’t know, Phoenix*? Some desert wasteland full of red colors and rhinoceros… gypsies? They steal the notebooks and pencils out of his backpack and decide to roast him in the fire when they find out what happened. Ham wakes up and sees his father is home.

*That was a joke.

His dad, it turns out, is very kind with him. He’s disappointed, and was hoping to pass on the collection to Ham some day, but, apparently there’s literally nothing they can do about it. Then Hamton, Hamton’s dad, and Hamton’s brother all sit out on the porch and drink lots of soda pop, because having 24 of the same bottle cap is almost as good as having a whole collection of different caps.

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I just noticed his dad’s eyes are going in two different directions.

Buster-Keeper (Crypt Buster?) points out that story didn’t have a frightening end at all, but says that Plucky’s parents didn’t react as kindly to finding out Plucky gambled.

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On the one hand, that’s dark. On the other hand, this IS a spin-off of Looney Tunes.

Next up is “Concord the Kindly Condor.” According to his theme song, Concord wants to be a veterinarian, and his older brothers, who may or may not be the ghostly uncles from Casper the Friendly Ghost, think he’s a dink. Condors are supposed to eat weak and sickly animals, not help them!

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Pretty much the whole plot of this story is the brothers trying to eat animals and get their brother to stop fixing animals. The brothers eventually lay off when they’re attacked by a bear and Concord helps them. He shows them their doctor’s bill and chuckles “Who says I don’t prey on the weak and sickly?”

Also there’s an elk with Rheumatism using a walker.

The said he was an elk, even though he looks more like a moose in my opinion.
The said he was an elk, even though he looks more like a moose in my opinion. [Knowledge edit: Apparently in Europe, they use the word “elk” to refer to moose. But this is AMERICA.]
Crypt Bunny then introduces us to some real horror: A COMMERCIAL.

But I’m watching a DVD, so…

Our final story stars Elmyra, and is called “Night of the Living Pets.” Elmyra is one character I must explain for those of you who have never seen Tiny Toon Adventures before. She’s a little girl who loves animals and has lots of pets, but she’s, um… a little too enthusiastic. A bit like Darla from “Finding Nemo,”, she’s well-meaning but doesn’t know the things she does are very harmful to her pets.

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Oy vey I’m editing this post about two years later, and my dog who is named Fluffy had to be put down a few months ago. So this grave marker hits me right in the sads.

So the story opens with Elmyra looking through a photo album, full of pictures of her pets who have passed on, including a goldfish she tried to take for a walk, and a horse that JUMPED OFF A CLIFF to get away from her. I know I said that bit with Plucky getting sawn in half was dark, but… GEEZ. Anyway, she wishes she could see all her old pets just one more time, which is a very sweet wish that I think we can all…

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Um…

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I…

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OH MY GOD!!

So all the zombie pets break into Elmyra’s house, and she goes classic Horror Movie route by running upstairs and just hiding in her room. Elmyra cowers in fear, but it’s no use. The zombies have found her. She’s done for.

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Except when she realizes they’re all very stinky and could use a bath! The first pets she bathes dissolve in the bath water. She tries to vacuum an old, dead cat, but it just sucks all the remnants of its fur off, leaving a skeleton. The other animals run back into their graves to get away.

Then it turns out it was all a dream. Her deceased pets didn’t come back to life as zombies after all! Thank goodness.

Well, except, Elmyra decides seeing her old pets is a great idea after all, and she runs into the cemetery to dig them them all up.

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Crypt Bunny says that ending was too creepy, even for him, and the show ends.

…What is there even to say? I was very much mistaken in assuming this would be a scary episode. I wish I could remember which episode of this show it is that plays out more like a horror movie. They’re in some mountain retreat or something and a moose(?) is picking them all off, one by one. I remember being genuinely frightened of that episode as a kid.

Ah, well.

This episode wasn’t particularly good, I think. I didn’t find it very funny, or scary, or anything. The zombie animal designs were creepy, though. That’s something, I guess.

I’m watching another episode as I finish typing this and finish with the pictures, and… geez, some of this show has not aged well. I guess if you were a preteen or teenager when the show first started airing, you could see a lot of these jokes and references as funny, nostalgic kick-backs, but a lot of it just comes off like “oh… I guess that existed back then.” Sister show Animaniacs has not aged as poorly, though.

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