That is a FANTASTIC title.
If you’ll recall, in my last review, I mentioned how I remembered there being a Tiny Toon Adventures episode with Elmyra as a parody of Elvira, Mistress of Macabre, and there was a plot with something like a serial killer moose, or something?
Elmyra, Mistress Who’s a Dork, introduces us to our feature, which is in the title spot up there.
We’re first greeted with an imposing, shadow figure who startles all the cute woodland creatures. It turns out it was just Babs, though, and everyone is scared of her giant, rabbit feet.
She and her friends, Fifi (a purple skunk) and Shirley (a white loon) are hanging out in a cottage on a cliff to get to know each other better, or something. A cloaked figure comes in, and almost hits Babs with an axe.
It turns it was just Shirley, though. Babs isn’t amused, and says “No more practical jokes!” during their weekend getaway.
The girls use a Ouija board to find out who their soul mates are. None of them are satisfied with the results. A pillow-fight ensues. Mark that under “sentences I never thought I’d write.”
The girls collapse in a pile of giggles, and a stick turns the lights off – or, someone outside the door holding a stick. Babs is upset, reminding the others that they promised not to try to scare each other for the rest of the night. The other girls deny doing anything, which makes sense because the light-switch is all the way on the other side of the room so it would’ve taken some real ingenuity for them to turn the lights off.
Then there’s some honestly terrifying howling sounds – sort of like a cougar on steroids, and we find out it definitely wasn’t Babs, Fifi, or Shirley.
It was a one-eyed moose.
He shrieks and throws goop at all the girls, then leaves. Fifi distressed at having been slimed, but Babs smells the substance and determines it to be shaving cream, which is really weird considering it glows neon green. She decides fellow bunny Buster must be behind it, and upon opening the door, the girls find not only rabbit tracks, but pig and duck tracks as well! Buster, Hamton, and Plucky. The fiends!
The three boys are sitting around a campfire, joking about how scared they made the girls, then Buster decides to tell a scary story, about one-eyed Jack. One-eyed Jack was a jack-rabbit that was large, got hit by a car, and was turned into a weird, giant jackalope-type thing by an evil scientist.
Buster then yowls at the other boys, scares them, makes fun of them for being scared, then there’s another inhuman howl that none of them made. It turns out, of course, it was Babs and the girls this time, getting their revenge. The boys run off, because of course they did. Babs congratulates the girls for a job well done, but all Fifi can do is repeat a small phrase in French, a phrase including the name “Jacques.” Babs can’t understand her, but Shirley has a translation – “I think she’s saying ‘One-eyed Jack’!” Babs points out that Shirley always sleeps through French class, so how could she possibly know that Fifi’s saying “One-eyed Jack?”
Shirley says it’s because he’s standing right over there!
Yeeeeeeeeeks. I remember actually being quite frightened of this as a kid. It’s not as scary now, but still… The people who worked on this show sure know how to do scary character designs!
The girls run back to the cottage, and barricade the front door, forgetting the cottage also has windows and a chimney.
But, no, no obvious plot twist where he just comes in through the back door or whatever. Turns out, he was already in the house and they used him to barricade the door!
I didn’t even notice him at first, wow.
Fifi takes a stand and sprays him with skunk… spray, and Babs and Shirley run out in the way cartoons do where they bust the wall out in their exact shape. They manage to find an old, abandoned, creepy castle, which turns out to be full of taxidermied animals. In a darker cartoon, you might consider that almost the entire cast of this show is animals, so running into a place that’s full of dead animals, primped and stuffed for display, would be like if you, dear reader, entered a museum full of perfectly preserved human corpses posed to look as if they were golfing, reading a newspaper, or whatever. Perhaps there’s a wall full of mounted human heads. What would be the human part equivalent of using antlers in all of your decorating, I wonder?
Anyway, it turns out Buster, Hamton, and Plucky are all hiding in the castle. When they find out it was just the girls who scared them before, they go to leave, but Babs tries to stop them, on account of there being a real monster out there. They don’t believe her.
Yep. And then he, erm, plucks Plucky. The four remaining characters, being genre savvy, know the best thing to do in this situation is to stick together, so they walk with their backs all together.
Shirley’s thirsty, so they all walk like that into the kitchen. The sink is full of dirty dishes, but Shirley still finds a clean glass. She goes to turn on the faucet, and One-eyed Jack’s hand comes out of the faucet and pulls her up the spout (it’s a cartoon). The others are just like “huh, that was weird.” Then Ham announces he’s hungry, and they head to the refrigerator, despite the fact that the castle clearly hasn’t had an occupant in at least two weeks (judging by the cobwebs but lack of dust; also that estimation was meant to be humorously lower than expected; thank you, I’ll be here explaining my own jokes all week), so it seems unlikely the refrigerator would have anything good in it. But he is a pig.
And then he gets grabbed into the refrigerator by good ol’ Jack.
Buster and Babs actually notice and care this time, and Babs expresses annoyance at Buster’s dumb idea – ‘Our only chance is to stick together!’ she says, mockingly.
They hear a noise, Babs determines is coming from downstairs, so Buster suggests they go up. Buster runs up the stairs ahead of Babs, and the stairs sort of life like a hatch when Babs goes to run up them, so she instead gets sucked into some sort of abyss. Buster realizes he is the only one left, and he then makes a run for it. Down the hill, swinging on a vine, down a long railroad track on one of those handcars you always see in old cartoon, and finally into a kayak. His is a bittersweet victory – he made it out alive, but he’s the only one who did.
Turns out the others are all alive as well, but locked up in some dungeon. One-eyed Jack comes in and growls at them, and then… reveals there’s a zipper… it’s actually been a suit this whole time… worn by…
She has captured our cartoon friends for cuddle time, because she loves animals, and such. Before the other characters bust out of their chains and through the wall in true cartoon manner, Elmyra remarks “Don’t you just love a movie with a surprise ending?”
Not much else to say here. Like I said before, I was actually really scared of this episode when I was little. It doesn’t hold up the fright very much for me as an older person, but it’s still a great episode, with a surprising plot twist that actually makes a lot of sense.
I think that’s it for the Tiny Toon episodes this month. I will return shortly with yet another cartoon, this time about… Four-eyed Jack!