BMW: 310, “Train of Fools”; Dec 15, 1995

Or as Girl Meets World would probably title it, “Girl Meets Getting Stuck on the Subway”. Speaking of Girl Meets World, I’ve said it before: People who are expecting this show to tackle stuff like abuse, sex, and drugs, please get a clue. For one thing, Boy Meets World almost never went over those things. I can’t actually think of a BMW drug episode, but maybe there’s one.

Second, it’s the Disney Channel. The Disney Channel has pretty much never covered super serious issues with its original programming. They do air stuff that covers some more serious stuff, but it’s never in its original series.

Third, the main character is like 12 or 13. Let’s review what happened to Cory on Boy Meets World when he was 12 and 13: He had to figure out the balance between school and father-son bonding time, lost an important gift his dad gave him when he didn’t even know it was important, thought he was turning into a werewolf, learned that no matter how ridiculous his hair looks at least Topanga still thinks he’s cool, and that if he actually put forth effort once in a while, he can actually do well at school. Know what they didn’t cover on that show when Cory was 12 and 13 years old? Sex, drugs, and abuse. The worst they got was when Shawn blew up that mailbox and the other time when his mom abandoned him.

I cannot stress enough that Boy Meets World is not and has never been Degrassi, which mixes silly plotlines with Super Serious ones on a regular basis. Boy Meets World did have its share of more serious episodes, but I don’t understand why so many people seem to be remembering it as this show that tackled all the heavy issues all the time. And BMW aired on ABC, whereas GMW is on Disney Channel, where their most serious original issues seem to be about bullying and not fitting in and liking boys, with the occasional “My best friend has betrayed me!” deal.

Well anyway, here’s the recap.

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Shawn got a limo from his uncle Lazlo for New Year’s. Feeny runs into the house, needing cash to pay his cab driver with since all he has are traveler’s checks and it’s still 1995 so there’s no way for cabs to take checks.

Eric nabbed a date with supermodel Rebecca Alexa, who’s 2nd cousin to Eric’s friend Jason. I don’t know if Rebecca Alexa is a real model or not. I’m assuming not. Anyway they’re going to some fancy New Year’s thing so he’s looking forward to kissing her on tv in front of all of Philadelphia.

In a few seasons I will bring up this screenshot to make a very angry point about something.
In a few seasons I will bring up this screenshot to make a very angry point about something.

Alan and Amy are going somewhere. Also this house is FULL of poinsettias. It’s ridiculous. It’s like Alan’s grocery store didn’t sell enough so he just took all the leftovers home and now there’s just poinsettias covering all available floorspace.

Amy laments her little boys growing up into men who go on New Year’s Eve dates, and reminsces about how when they were little they’d try to stay up late and fail. Eric complains about having to babysit Cory, and he apparently put raisins up Cory’s nose. GUH. As someone with an older sibling myself, let me just say OH BOO HOO YOU HAD TO BABYSIT. Being the younger sibling SUCKS. Nothing you ever do is special because your older sibling did it first. And if you manage to accomplish something your sibling never did, then they have to get super snarky and jealous about it. I think we should all go the Duggar family route – just have like 45 children, that way nobody ever notices when anybody else does anything so everyone just equally feels like unappreciated crap.

Anyway this would be a good time to bring up Morgan, who has not been mentioned since season 2.


Turner and Eli are spending a romantic New Year’s Eve together. Turner is sad about his luck with women, even though he scored a date with that attractive blonde teacher a few episodes ago.

A bunch of women then show up at his door. There’s Janine, who insults Turner and decides to make a lasagna, and then Val, who brought a pizza. We have never seen of nor heard of either of these women before.

Back with Cory, Shawn’s limo – which is actually a hearse – broke down. Coincidentally, Eric’s car broke down as well. Everyone’s stuck at the Matthews home.

Eric orders a cab for him and his date. Cory asks if they can share it, Eric refuses, until Rebecca Alexa says her older sister never shared anything with her either, and she never forgave her for that.

Cory ends up freaking out in the cab about the cab driver being a murderer or something, so they’re back in the house again.

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Topanga suggests they just stay at the house and make popcorn balls, but Eric disapproves. Rebecca Alexa makes a sarcastic comment about taking the subway, so they take the subway.

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Hey what’s that poster behind – OH MY GOD

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The gang is about to disembark from the subway. Topanga asks what the rush is, since there’s still plenty of time before midnight. Then it gets out that Eric only wanted to go out with her to get a big kiss or something, and she leaves in a huff. The train immediately starts moving after she leaves.

I don’t, uh… what? I guess specifically she’s mad that he wanted to kiss her on television in front of people, but that was still weird how she’s just mad. And also that the subway doors stayed open for so long and then just abruptly closed like that.

Anyway the power in the train goes out, then comes back on. The train has stalled. They’re stuck on the subway! Noes! Stuck in the subway during the holidays! Just like that Full House episode. There’s a Hey Arnold episode where they get stuck on the subway, but that’s not a holiday episode. It’s really cool though because we find out Arnold’s crazy grandma is a master electrician and Helga has a HUGE rat phobia  and some sort of version of claustrophobia. Also a blind man’s guide dog gives birth to puppies.

So back on BMW:

Topanga remains optimistic. Cory asks why she’s so chipper tonight, wondering if she swallowed Sandy Duncan (hooray! Another outdated reference!) Topanga tells him she’s sick of always being the optimistic one. Kay.

Shawn has been exploring the other train cars. Someone apparently has gone into labor. And someone’s giving out crab cakes!

Also, this guy.

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I thought it was Nick Cannon, but on second thought I think it’s that guy from the Amanda Bynes/Jennie Garth sitcom “What I Like About You.” To be fair, I only thought it was Nick Cannon before they showed his face all the way.

Back at… ugh, Turner’s plotline, the two women are making fun of Turner. Eli wants them to stay, Turner wants them to go. End scene.

Eric blames Cory for ruining his night. Eric also looks like Rick from Degrassi The Next Generation right now.

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Shawn met some Catholic school girls who were impressed when he said his uncle is the pope. Shawn has like 83 uncles on this show so that wouldn’t surprise me if the pope was actually one of them.

Eli’s in a lady sandwich. Or is it an Eli sandwich?

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Turner wants to leave, but there’s some weepy woman on his doorstep. They went on one date but she wants closure or something. Turner invites her in and then runs away. Go Turner.

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Not Nick Cannon congratulates Cory on throwing a excellent paaaaaartaaaaaay. Everyone on the train are members of The Whitest Kids You Know and don’t know what a “paaaaaaaaartaaaaaaay” is. Seriously.

Also there’s a French maid, sailor, and Santa Claus/member of ZZ Top on the train.

Eric’s sad in the corner. Cory tries to apologize again. They bond over a shared memory of a babysitter who tried to curl Cory’s hair one New Year’s Eve. They say they’ve always had lousy New Year’s., but also that they were great. And this awesome paaaaaartaaaay is the greatest.

Eric kisses the French maid, misunderstanding when she asks if he wants a quiche.

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Feeny’s back from vacation. He doesn’t have the money to pay for a cab again. He doesn’t want to just have the driver take him to a bank machine, because he thinks the cab driver is going to murder him or something – it’s the same driver from the cab that Cory freaked out about.

Shawn overhears this and thinks it’s great that Feeny is out of money again and needs to come crawling to him for help. Feeny says he’ll risk getting killed by the driver rather than ask Shawn for help. That’s cold, Feeny.

Oh hey the French maid (or caterer, as she’s called on imdb) played Cordelia on Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel.

There’s not much to say about this episode. It actually kind of sucked. Cory and Eric didn’t really mend their relationship, since the issues they had only just came up in this episode, weren’t that dramatic, and were apparently resolved by the end anyway. No one learned through wacky events that you don’t need a perfect evening to have fun (I guess Eric sort of learned that? A little?)

It would’ve made WAY more sense to drop the Turner subplot and take that time to perhaps boost up Cory’s character more – maybe have him angst a bit about always ruining New Year’s for his brother, and how he’s not a popular guy, but then he somehow manages to unite all the people on their subway car to have a great time partying together. Hey Arnold did way better with the “trapped on the subway” thing and that episode was half as long as this one.

But seriously that Turner subplot UGH. It was so POINTLESS. We’ve never seen those women before, didn’t know Turner had women issues, never fixes those issues, and we’ll never see any of those women again anyway. I’d rather have seen Amy and Alan being boring adults at some party. Or heck just make the episode two minutes shorter and cut out Turner entirely.

In other news, if you’re tired of the terrible screenshots included in the Boy Meets World recaps (I know I am ;_;), or just have some money lying around your bank account that you don’t know what to do with, consider pledging to my Patreon page! Alternatively, you could just give me some Boy Meets World DVDs. That works too. [Also I swear I won’t advertise the Patreon on every post.]


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