BMW: 311, “City Slackers”; January 5, 1996

Uh-oh, last episode before things get super sad. Savor the happiness while it lasts…

Okay I’m making it seem more dramatic than it is, there’s still humor after the next episode.

So anyway:

Shawn says his favorite thing about being at Cory’s house is there’s no Feeny. Cue Feeny:

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That was really a dumb comment from Shawn, even if Feeny hadn’t just appeared like that.

Feeny came to give Amy a birthday present. Her birthday is that coming Sunday. Feeny lives next door, so it seems odd that he couldn’t have just waited to drop off the present. But it turns out the present is a key to his cottage in the mountains – Feeny makes a ton of money for being a school teacher. I mean he lives in what is presumably a 3 bedroom house, by himself. What.

Alan already has plans for the weekend, though, so Feeny tells them they can just go up there another time. That’s actually really sweet of Feeny to let people into his cottage that he barely uses, especially since it seems like he’s not super great friends with Alan and Amy.

Shawn hatches a plan and makes Cory go outside with him to discuss under the pretense that his history book just flew out the door (because he threw it).

Shawn has something to tell Cory, but it’s super sensitive, so he wants to use their secret code. Except they don’t have one. Shawn says they really should have one. Weird.

Anyway Shawn stole Feeny’s key, so he’s planning on taking Cory up there to cuddle up with some beautiful ski bunnies. Cory says this is wrong, deceitful, etc, but is going along with it because he’s the loser friend and they always have to go along with what Cool Friend says.

Later that day, Shawn has already packed and obtained bus tickets, even though it is LITERALLY THE SAME DAY. I mean somehow he bought bus tickets between being at Cory’s house studying, and being at school. What IS this? Although Shawn makes a comment in another episode that implies he can travel by cartoon physics, so maybe time just slows down for him when he needs it to.

Also I somehow forgot that Eric was still in high school.
Also I somehow forgot that Eric was still in high school.

Eric asks Turner how he knows some girl that Eric wants to date. Turner confesses that he knows her because she’s his student. Durff. Eric asks her out. They go on a romantic outing to Chubbie’s. Also Eric said he was a jock, so the girl asks what sport he plays. He says he’s great at pool when she says she doesn’t know anything about it.

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Joey objects to Eric taking his and Frankie’s table, then challenges Eric to a duel for the table.

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A ranger lets Cory and Shawn into the cabin. They accidentally say they’re both Feeny’s grandsons, explaining that they’re brother-cousins to each other. The ranger comes from mountain people and doesn’t think brother-cousins are odd at all. He then tells the boys to make sure to lock up the cabin real tight, so that Grady’s Axe doesn’t come to get them.

This turns into a Hey Arnold episode for a minute, minus Gerald, the Keeper of the Tale, and we learn about some guy who came up to the mountains with his new wife, but she fell in love with a ski instructor and left him. So the guy killed them and himself, and now every year the guy returns to the mountain to wreak his bloody revenge.

Cory has a question- if the guy took his own life, how does he return every year to wreak his revenge? My question is, who is he getting revenge on since he already killed the other two people?

The ranger doesn’t have an answer for either of us, and goes on to ask if they know how to turn on the electricity. He leaves, saying he’s watching a video with his buddy, Moose. The boys ask, “Oh, a Ranger Moose?” The ranger replies “A moose can’t be a ranger!” …Are there moose in Pennsylvania? Wikipedia’s moose range map says no. That just makes this whole scenario even weirder, so let’s move on.

Cory laughs at the guy thinking they don’t know how to turn on the electricity. He flips the light switch, nothing happens. He keeps flipping it, nothing. Dun dun dunnn. They could probably run out and catch the ranger since he only left like 10 seconds earlier and ask him to show them how to do it, but then there wouldn’t be a story.

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Meanwhile Eric and Frankie are both doing bad at pool. Eric misses, Frankie sinks a shot but the ball BOUNCES OUT OF THE POCKET. Eric reveals to Eli, who is a creepy adult hanging out at a popular teen-oriented burger joint if you think about it, that they’ve been playing for an hour already, and not one ball has successfully made it into a pocket.

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The boys made an expedition to the ski lodge, only to find that no one was there. Additionally, there is no snow, so they couldn’t ski even if they knew how. Shawn had earlier said the weather report called for a fresh blanket of powder, so Cory is curious as to what happened. Shawn clarifies that the radio definitely said there would be fresh snow in the Rocky Mountains, and Cory is angered by Shawn’s ignorance. They’re in the Poconos, which are quite far from the Rockies. For comparison, the distance is about equal to the length of Europe. It’s a bit like if Shawn was in the farthest part of Eastern Europe and got a weather report for Portugal. Weird.

Then the lights turn on. Or else Shawn got an idea.

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The door opens, and the boys grab weapons. Shawn shouts “Okay you dead psycho axe murderer! Let’s see what you’re made of!”

Cue Feeny.
Cue Feeny.

Shawn tells Feeny he has no right trespassing on his own property. Cory says actually his parents are on the way up and they just ran ahead to to get a look at the place. Feeny doesn’t believe him, even though that was a pretty decent explanation that would’ve potentially gotten Feeny out of the house. Good try, Cory.

Turns out Feeny came up to start packing up the place so he can sell it. Cory says “We’ll take it!” and Shawn follows up with “Hey NOW you’re trespassing!” Feeny of course ignores this, and Cory asks Feeny to just call his parents so they can go home. However, it’s too late at night for that, so they’ll just have to spend the night in the cabin.

Shawn asks how many beds there are, and when Feeny reveals there is only one, Shawn says he’ll flip Feeny for it. He takes out a coin, flips it, Feeny catches it, and says “You lose.” DJ Smooth at his finest.

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Well hello play bar thingy at the bottom!

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It’s been 3 hours. Still no one has sunk a single shot. Eric’s lady friend leaves because he’s a loser. There’s a montage of weird, impossible misses and close calls, including a ball exploding, and this.

One ball sitting on the other. That's the joke.
One ball sitting on the other. That’s the joke.

Shawn puts a spoon on his nose, and wants to beat his previous record of seven and a half hours, but Feeny won’t let them use his watch to time him. Feeny is also all “Have you ever considered what seven and a half hours would do for your schoolwork?” Shawn’s like “hurr?” and Feeny says he likes to read in his cabin.

Feeny sits down to read, because he likes to read in his… yeah, and Cory and Shawn discuss Feeny. Cory says the British are always hard people (the joke being that Feeny isn’t British but they think he is. He DOES have a really weird accent). Shawn says that isn’t good enough and asks Feeny directly why he hates him so much. Feeny denies hating Shawn, and reveals he actually memorized Shawn’s transcript, and also he knows that Shawn loves the musical group Counting Crows. Dats creepy, Feeny.

But Shawn’s like “lol cool” and then Feeny asks the boys to help him with the dishes. And then he makes just Shawn and Cory do it, and Cory knocks Feeny’s watch into the sink (Feeny having earlier put the watch on a dish towel). Cory, while feeling around in the sink for it, accidentally pulls out the sink plug and Feeny’s watch goes down the drain. Feeny is obviously disappointed, but says “Well, it was only a 30 year old watch. About time I got a new one.” Unfortunately this doesn’t turn into that Hey Arnold episode where Arnold and Gerald go into the sewers looking for the watch, only to find a crazy guy living down there who is the Sewer King and has claimed the watch as his royal medallion and Arnold challenges him to a game of chess to win the watch back, and the guy is so happy to have someone besides rats to play with that he agrees. And eventually Arnold gets the watch back even though the sewer king is angry and chases them, and when Arnold gets the watch back in his grandpa’s hands, grandpa knocks the watch into the sink drain,says “oh well” and then reveals he has a drawer full of like 30 more identical watches and then Arnold is just so 400% done he just goes upstairs.

What’s with all the Hey Arnold in this recap?

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Feeny goes to bed, and Shawn reads the book Feeny had been reading earlier. Turns out it’s a journal of the good old days. Apparently Feeny used to come up to this cabin with his wife – Shawn expressing surprise that Feeny was ever married – and he’d skip teaching his classes and whatever to go up there with his wife. And on their 5th anniversary, it seems that his wife gave him the very watch Cory knocked down the drain earlier. I guess the sink doesn’t have one of those U- or S-bends so they couldn’t just turn the water off and unattach it and hope the watch just got caught in the bend.

Instead Shawn goes diving into the cabin’s septic tank to recover the watch.

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They’re in trouble, blahblah. Also apparently Shawn stole one of Feeny’s spoons. And Feeny implies he might not sell the place after all. We don’t know why he decided to sell it in the first place, so whatever.

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They’ve been playing pool for 15 straight hours. Probably Eric won’t get in trouble for staying out that long. Frankie has to leave, for choir practice (he’s in his church choir). Eric protests, saying of course they want to leave now that he has them right where he wants them. Joey counters that Eric couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn if it said “Hey, I’m the broad side of barn! Hit me!”

Joey and Frankie leave, and Eric says good riddance, and Eric sinks ALL THE BALLS.

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Here’s a video!

This episode’s IDMB listing has an animal coordinator listed as staff. Why? There was like one episode so far that had an animal in it. And it wasn’t in this episode.

In other news, it occurs to me that most tv review sites actually give ratings to the episodes they review, and I thought I should do that, except I’m terrible at grading things. Pretty much everything is either great, terrible, or in the middle. I’d like to come up with my own grading scale, like “On a scale of Citizen Kane to The Room, this episode was The Maltese Falcon.” But, eh. I like not rating things.

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