BMW: 313, “New Friends and Old”; Jan 16, 1996

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We start with a… new opening? It’s not a new season. Or even a mid-season premiere. Also the opening features clips from episodes that haven’t aired yet. Either someone uploaded the wrong episode, or this is a weird syndication thing where they just the same opening credits for the entire show rather than the opening credits that go with each season – kind of like how they use the Saved By the Bell opening credits for Good Morning Miss Bliss even though they’re technically different shows [my theory is that Saved By the Bell is the high school experience Zach Morris of Good Morning Miss Bliss WISHES he had]

Anyway, shenanigans.

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Cory and Shawn were trying to avoid Joey and Frankie. That’s all you need to know.

Feeny calls in Frankie and his dad, Frankie.

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Apparently Joey burned Cory and Shawn’s clothes. That’s not cool. Frankie’s dad Frankie assures Feeny that young Frankie will straighten up and fly right. He does it in a hilariously angry-dramatic way, the way only wrestlers can do. Wrestlers acting on tv shows are always awesome.

Also Mrs. Stechino was in the scene the entire time. Behind Frankie and Frankie.

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Frankie confronts Cory and Shawn. He is upset with them for ratting on Joey and getting him suspended. Cory offers to be Frankie’s friend if he agrees not to beat him and Shawn up. Frankie agrees, on the understanding that this is a sincere offer and not a way for them to avoid punishment.

There’s some Turner plotline with some girl, I don’t care. She wants to meet up with him. Her voice sounds pretty sexy on the answering machine. Funnily enough Shawn said pretty much the exact same thing as I was typing that up. Shawn and I have the same taste in women’s voices. Which is weird because I’m straight and he’s a fictional character.

I guess Turner was rich at some point and so was Melanie, and he gave up having money and a hot girlfriend just to be a teacher. What a mook. And man, it sure is too bad that rich people can’t be teachers.

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Frankie walks Cory home, and asks Amy if Cory can sleep over at his house that Friday. I gotta admit, that sort of melted my heart. This big huge scary guy wants to have a sleep over with his friend!

Meanwhile or later or something, I guess Melanie’s coming over. Oh, Melanie is sexy-voice, by the way. Forgot to mention that. She’s the richest girl in West Port, Connecticut. Considering Connecticut is like the size of a thumbnail I don’t know if that’s all that impressive.

So this is Melanie.

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I was expecting like Kate Moss or someone. Oh well. Her actress, Eliza Coyle, first appeared onscreen in the movie “Shakes the Clown” in the groundbreaking role of “Enthusiastic Mime”. So that’s gotta count for something.

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Shawn doesn’t want to be friends with Frankie because he’s big and scary. Cory says his mom says that there’s always good in people. We should turn that into an idiom like “Even Hitler liked dogs.” Or… tea. I don’t know. Apparently there’s just this thing where whenever anyone likes or does anything someone else doesn’t like, the second person will be like “Yeah well Hitler was a vegetarian as well!” even though a lot of that stuff (like Hitler being a vegetarian) isn’t true.

Shawn goes on about how Frankie’s using all these 7th graders as his slaves, and then Shawn realizes if they’re friends with Frankie, they’ll have slaves too! Haha, Hitler and slaves, this is a comedy goldmine right here. Move over, Daniel Tosh.

Turner and Melanie are on a date. They aren’t going to end up getting together in the end anyway so I don’t care.

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Frankie wants to know what their (er, his, Cory’s, and Shawn’s, not Turner and Melanie’s) relationship is. He has observed how ridiculous Cory and Shawn are being with the bullying people out of their seats and getting dry-cleaning delivered. He gets up get some air.

A group of kids are sitting in the hallway. He asks if he can sit with them, and they all get up and leave. The audience “awwwww”s sadly at that, and for once I agree with the overreacting audience.

Feeny shows up then, because Feeny is magic, and Frankie asks for an explanation. If he started hanging out with a better crowd, Feeny had told him, then he would be a better person. But the better crowd just turned into jerks. All he wants is to be liked, Mr. Feeny, is that so hard to ask??

Feeny says that everyone wants to be liked, so that’s not so ridiculous. He also tells Frankie that he’ll stop being walked on when he starts standing up for himself.

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Frankie left a message asking to meet with Cory and Shawn to discuss their friendship. Man… answering machines, man. How many 90s tv series had at least one episode dealing with answering machines? Like, a lot. How many shows these days have plots involving voicemail? Not a lot? I don’t know.

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The 7th graders want revenge. Luckily Frankie was in the school bathroom for some reason and they start running off in fear. But Shawn tells them not to fear Frankie. Frankie has a poetic soul, and is gentle deep down, and you should stop judging him and stuff. Cory and Shawn have learned their lesson somehow about not taking advantage of having a giant, scary friend.

The three guys leave to get a burger.

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The end credits scene is Mr. Stechino being all wrestler-y. Amy comes downstairs to see what all the noise is, and when she realizes it’s Mr. Stechino, she tells him to knock it off, because he doesn’t act that way at the PTA meetings.

Then Eric comes in and Mr. Stechino lifts him up.

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I don’t know even care how the Turner subplot ended. Turner subplots are the worst.

And I guess we all learned a valuable lesson about not judging people or something. It’s weird that Cory’s doesn’t start angsting about his break-up until the next episode, especially since Topanga actually was in this episode. She said two things and never showed up after that, which has been her thing since season 2.

 

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