Sue and Schue are arguing in slow motion. Schue monologues about being ashamed of how ridiculous he’s being. Sue monologues about how majestic she looks with an angry-face on. Schue’s monologue interrupts her and comments that its’ ridiculous how even their voice-overs don’t get along. Random meta, fourth-wall moment.
So in flashback… maybe… Schue asks if there’s anything the kids want to do at sectionals. Mercedes asks if they can do “something more… black.” Kurt agrees, saying they’ve done an awful lot of showtunes.
I haven’t been keeping a good track of the types of songs performed, but I think they’ve actually performed way more pop and rock than showtunes. There were a lot in the first episode, and most of the rest were sung by Rachel outside of the club, as part of the musical she was supposed to be in.
Rachel argues that it’s “glee club, not crunk club”. Mike offers to pop ‘n lock. Schue says that’s not what they’re looking for. Since when does the glee club not want people to dance? Eh.
Quinn gets an ultrasound. She tells the doctor lady to be careful not to get any of that ultrasound jelly on her uniform. If only Quinn owned any other clothes. And it turns out the baby is a girl.
Schue took Quinn and Finn to the ultrasound appointment, and looks kind of sadly at the one other couple in the waiting room – the guy puts his head on his lady-partner’s stomach to listen to the baby or something. Kind of weird to do in a clinic waiting room.
Jacob ben Israel pops out from behind Rachel’s locker at school. He says rumor in the halls is that Quinn Fabray is “in trouble”, which is a weirdly outdated thing to say about a pregnancy in 2009. Rachel plays it cool and asks where he heard such a thing. Jacob doesn’t elaborate much, but does go on to say that rumor also has it that Rachel’s jealous that Finn chose Quinn to bear his “litter” rather than her. Rachel cuts right to the important part and asks what it’s going to take to get him to shut up.
Meanwhile, Sue wants to split up the glee club into “Sue’s Kids” and the other losers. Schue objects, pointing out if they split up the club no one will have enough members to compete at Sectionals or whatever. Sue says according to the rulebook, each school must have at least 12 members but not all of them need to perform at the same time, so what she’s doing is perfectly legal. For God’s sake, Schue really needs to read the show choir handbook already. This is ridiculous.
Sue then surprises Schue by taking: “Santana, Wheels, Gay Kid, Asian, Other Asian, Aretha, and Shaft.” She says she doesn’t want to be part of a group that ignores the needs of minorities. Technically Rachel and it turns out Puck are also minorities, since they’re both Jewish, but Sue didn’t select either of them. If we want to be really ridiculous, we could also count Finn as a child from a single parent home (1 in 4 kids come from single parent homes, that is a minority although not a racial one, but Artie and Kurt weren’t racial minorities either). You could also throw Quinn in as a minority as a pregnant teenager, although I guess Sue doesn’t know she’s pregnant yet. That’d be awesome, Sue just has all the glee club kids except Brittany. I want to see an episode of this show that’s just Schue and Brittany locked in a room for 2o minutes.
Later that evening, Terri’s on the phone with her crazy sister. Kendra advises Terri not to let Quinn vaccinate the baby, since she’s pretty sure vaccinations made her own kids stupid. Terri thinks that’s a good idea, asking what the odds are of the kid getting polio anyway. Schue hangs up the phone right then. Terri tells him not to take out his bad day on her, and Schue gets mad that he never gets to do any baby things with Terri, and demands to go to her next doctor’s appointment. Terri gets an “oh crap” look on her face since, as we all know, she’s not actually pregnant.
Finn asks Rachel what she did to get Jacob to leave Quinn alone. Rachel won’t say anything more than that it will probably cost her dads a lot of money to pay for her therapy. Finn says she’s pretty cool and then leaves. Then Jacob shows up, saying he needs “another pair.”
Turns out Rachel gave him a pair of panties, but he’s dissatisfied because she gave him new panties rather than a pair of old, used ones. Gross.
If he doesn’t get a pair by tomorrow morning, his story about Quinn hits the whole school. The whole school’s gonna find out eventually, but I can understand Rachel… wow I don’t even feel like finishing that sentence.
Sue’s Kids perform “Hate On Me”. Mercedes is excited to finally be performing an R&B song. I don’t know, this is like the third one they’ve done. Like in earlier episodes, it sounds like about 20 people are singing even though there’s only like 5 of them (Matt Rutherford’s barely even moving his mouth. Maybe he’s a ventriloquist).
Sue sent the piano to be “dry-cleaned” even though it was Schue’s turn with it. Also she burned all the sheet music. No wonder they never use any sheet music ever again. Sue says she’s determined to take down Schue, and she throws Sad Ginger Kid’s drink to the ground for no good reason.
Later that evening, Schue is grading papers. He hesitates and then turned a B- into a B+. Aawww, Schue is nice. Then Terri invites him to her next doctor’s appointment, because she doesn’t want to be like her crazy sister whose husband never gets involved in anything.
The next day, Sue walks to the football field to start cheerleading practice. Some interviewer wants to talk to her about being successful, but Sue cuts her off as she notices only three Cheerios are on the field – Santana, Brittany, and Quinn. Quinn tells her that all the other Cheerios are not academically eligible because Schue flunked them all. OHHH IT’S ON NOW.
How did they all end up as academically ineligible overnight? I don’t recall that the rule is that if you get one C on one assignment you can’t participate, it’s usually supposed to be that your average for each class can’t be that low. How much did those Spanish tests count for that their GPA’s dipped low enough overnight that they can’t participate in extracurriculars anymore?
Also there’s sometimes discussions about why Quinn, Santana, and especially Brittany didn’t end up flunking, usually with people pointing out that Quinn is pretty smart so she probably just well on her own, Santana is fluent in Spanish already, and Brittany’s her best friend so maybe she just learned Spanish from Santana. This is all probably true, but that’s ignoring the more obvious point that if Schue flunked them, they couldn’t participate in glee club anymore.
Sue objects to this, but Schue says that one of the cheerleaders misspelled her own name and answered every question with a picture of a sombrero on the last test. Figgins says that apparently almost all the Cheerios are functionally illiterate. At the last football game they spelled “TO GAME” instead of “GO TEAM.”
Sue threatens to put that incriminating video of Figgins in that airline ad for pulmonary embelism stockings, but he tells her he put it on Youtube himself and it only got 2 hits. Man, that’s embarrassing. The two videos I have on Youtube have like 5000 combined views. People love penguins, I guess.
Finn has come up with the best baby name ever after hearing that Gwyneth Paltrow named her kid “Apple.”
Quinn reacts with the best face ever.
Quinn gets really angry at Finn for thinking of baby names when he knows she’s not planning on keeping the baby. No sarcasm, that is a completely understandable thing for Quinn to be upset about. I mean, some women like to give the baby a name even when they’re going for adoption, but some women don’t want to even see the baby, let alone name it. Quinn is obviously ashamed and embarrassed by her pregnancy, and if I were her, I’d be really pissed at Finn for doing that too. Plus, “Drizzle”?? The only way that would be a worse name is if it was for a boy. But it is kind of cute how excited Finn was about the name, plus his reasoning for it was that he likes it when it looks like it’s going to rain but it just drizzles instead. Ugh, I think “drizzle” is making me feel the way other people feel about the worst “moist.”
Also when Quinn finishes yelling at Finn, he tells her he wishes she were more like Rachel, because Rachel doesn’t yell at him and gave someone her underwear so he’d leave Quinn alone. As if Quinn wasn’t angry enough, finding her boyfriend saying he wishes she was someone else really upsets her. File under “examples of why I don’t think Finn is as good a character as everyone else seems to think he is.”
Later, the glee club – all 12 of them – sing “Ride Wit’ Me”. This has been cited as a favorite performance by a lot of people, and I can understand why. There’s no autotune, nothing overly orchestrated or synthetic. It’s just a group of kids singing a song together, and having fun. The best thing about this is apparently the cast really used to just hang out and sing songs randomly between takes.
As a special treat, here’s a medium-quality video:
Also I think they accidentally filmed Ryan Murphy in this scene.
The kids all say how much fun their little song was, much better than being with Sue.
They leave, and Schue comes in. Rachel says she’s not sure about the whole “two glee club things.” Schue says that’s just what Sue wants them to feel. He says Sue’s Kids are singing about hate, so they’re going to sing about togetherness or something. He gives the lead parts to Rachel and Finn, and Quinn says “So much for togetherness.” Preach, sister.
They sing “No Air” and Rachel randomly has an echo on her voice immediately.
OH MY GOD THIS IS THE DUMBEST THING I’VE EVER SEEN ON THIS SHOW. WHY IS THERE RANDOMLY A WIND TUNNEL IN THE HALLWAY WHAT AAARGH.
I mean this show has had bits before where it’s like half the person actually singing and half fantasy, but this song has literally no reason to be a fantasy. Like when Rachel sang “Take a Bow” it was half her on the stage and half her singing to Finn in her imagination because she was mad at him. This is just them singing in the choir room and then Rachel and Finn are walking into a fan in the hallway for no reason. Maybe it’s a metaphor. A metaphor for the scene blowing.
They finish singing and Schue congratulates them on a job well done. Quinn says, “What about us, hm?” She objects to just swaying in the background behind Finn and Rachel. Yeah, good luck changing that over the next three years, Quinn. She gets really angry at Schue and says something about minorities.
Next scene has Puck and Brittany in Sue’s office. She’s ashamed of herself for neglecting two more minorities – Puck is Jewish, and Brittany is Dutch. Yeah. Again, Rachel is also Jewish, so she ought to be included in the minority group if Puck is. Plus Rachel’s definitely in a minority for 1) having multi-racial or multi-cultural parents, and 2) having a pair of gay men as parents.
I don’t know if I’m sick or if it’s just this episode that’s making me light-headed.
So later that evening, Schue comes home. He asks Terri where dinner is. She’s just like “…?” Schue’s all “I don’t expect you to cook every night, but as long as you get home first you should be the one who takes care of dinner.” He has a point, but the way he says it is kind of “domestic abuse-y”. I mean the tone plus the way he phrased it was like “if you continue to not make dinner even though you’re home first, I will hit you so hard”. Don’t know if that’s how they meant that scene to come off, but it sure felt that way to me, and I’m a person who generally doesn’t read too much into line delivery.
Terri comments on this new, forceful Schue, and he says it’s all thanks to her telling him to stick up for himself against Sue. Also he made an appointment for them at the doctor’s on Friday.
So Kendra and Terri visit Dr. Wu. He doesn’t get why they’re there, since neither of them are pregnant. Kendra says that all of her kids have ADD, and also even though neither her nor her husband have red hair, all three of the kids are “creepy ginger freaks.” Wu points out that it’s due to a recessive gene, but Kendra says it’s because he gave her too much pitocin during labor. If that sounds crazy to you, it should, because Kendra is crazy. I remind you that she earlier said that vaccines made her kids stupid. Kendra is not a medical doctor.
Later or meanwhile or something, Quinn tells Rachel to stay away from Finn. She calls Rachel “treasure trail” and “stubbles.” I don’t know why, but people point this out as a contradiction in insults somehow, even though “treasure trail” usually refers to that weird line of hair that goes from a man’s belly button to his genitalia, and “stubbles” is usually slang for a man who has stubble on his face. People usually don’t use “stubbles” to refer to, say, women with leg stubble.
Rachel tells Quinn she’s right that the reason she’s been helping is because she’s into Finn, but says it’s Quinn who’s the cheater, even though Quinn didn’t say Rachel was a cheater so that’s a weird distinction to make. Quinn objects to this nonsensical insult.
Rachel has a theory, you see, that Quinn is Sue’s mole and is sharing secrets or whatever. But Rachel thinks Sue’s only out for herself, and as soon as she finds out Quinn’s pregnant, will drop her like a hot potato or whatever Rachel actually says. Quinn then sings “You Keep Me Hangin On” as a weird combination of cheerleading practice and fantasy stage number. Even though all but three of the Cheerios are temporarily suspended from extracurriculars due to low grades.
The 3 Directions begin singing “No Air” for Sue’s Kids. Sue gets up to leave after two seconds. Schue yells at her. Sue says something about disadvantaged minorities who are probably on food stamps. Mercedes says her dad’s a dentist. Makes the season 2 episode about dentistry kind of weird knowing that.
Schue and Sue get into the argument from the beginning of the episode, Schue saying she’s disrespectful of the kids and all she does is terrify children to make herself feel better. Sue says no one cares about the glee club. All the kids have expressions like kids always have when people are fighting.
Finn interrupts them, saying if they wanted to listen to mom and dad fight, “those of us who still have two parents would stay home on pay day.”
Mercedes agrees, and adds that she doesn’t like this whole “minority” business. She may be a strong, confident black woman, but that’s not all she is. She’s out. Tina’s out too, and Rachel tells everyone that if they want to see how a real storm-out’s done, she encourages them to follow her lead. All the kids then leave.
At the doctor’s appointment, Dr. Wu puts up a curtain to obscure that Terri’s not really pregnant. So he makes like there’s a real sonogram, when he’s actually just playing a DVD of Quinn’s sonogram, and also he says that the baby’s really a girl after all. Schue is moved to tears to finally see his baby. Terri thinks he’s sad because he really wanted a boy, but Schue says he doesn’t care what the kid is. That really smarts. I was really rooting for things to not end up as terrible as they did in episode 13.
Sue gives up on being glee co-director. Schue admits that Sue was right to shine a light on the minorities, and then says all the kids are minorities, because they’re in glee club. He gives a little speech about it to the club as Sue watches, about how it doesn’t matter that Rachel’s Jewish, or Finn can’t tell his rights from his lefts, or that Santana is Latina. He says “Or that Quinn is-” and Sue interrupts with “Pregnant.”
I wonder what Schue was actually going to say there. “Smart”?” She’s not the only blonde, not the only Christian, not the only cheerleader, not the only Caucasian. Maybe he was saying “Or that Quinn has literally nothing about her that makes her a minority besides her being pregnant but I can’t say that while Sue is here oh oops I just said it.”
So it turns out that Sue found out about Quinn’s little Eggbert after doing a routine locker check and finding a pair of white granny panties in Jacob’s locker. She asks if he has the panties because he’s really a woman, but he says it’s that Rachel gave them to him so he wouldn’t tell everyone that Quinn is pregnant. Sue doesn’t believe him, sure that if her head cheerleader were really pregnant, she would trust her (Sue) enough to come and tell her. Jacob has two sources confirming it, though.
The glee club sings “Keep Holding On” – which I’ve noticed is a really similar title to “Keep Me Hangin On” – because Quinn is sad. At the end of the number, Finn holds both Quinn’s and Rachel’s hand. What a douche. Like “Oh we’re all trying to comfort my pregnant girlfriend how about I just hold this other girl’s hand“. What does Rachel need comforting for? Sheesh.
Song count: 38 total songs / 30 full-length performances [Mashups are counted as one song]
Best Song/Worst Song: “Ride Wit Me” for best song, because it was fun, energetic, and pure, without all that autotune. For worst song, I’m going with “No Air” because the vocals were nothing special and the whole extremely random “hallway wind tunnel” thing.