Girl Meets World… OF TERROR, 111; Oct 2, 2014

If that wasn’t totally obvious, the actual episode title is “Girl Meets World: of Terror.” Yes, with the colon. This episode it sounds like is supposed to have three segments focusing on one character each, and one of those is Auggie. We’ve established that I hate that kid so please forgive me if his segment just say “asdfhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” or something. I mean, it’s not just that I hate him, but it’s just… If you haven’t seen the show yourself, you can’t know, but he’s just SO ANNOYING. It’s pretty obvious he and his plotlines were engineered to be cute, but they failed miserably because it’s like, I don’t know, it’s really smug about it. And the kid who plays Auggie isn’t turning out to be such a great actor when he’s got more than 2 lines to deliver. And as mentioned in a previous post, long ago, the way he acts and talks doesn’t really mesh with how old he’s supposed to be, and that’s really annoying and off-putting.

Speak of the devil:

It's too bad he's wearing a vampire costume and not a devil.
It’s too bad he’s wearing a vampire costume and not a devil.

Auggie is introducing us to an evening of fear and terror, and asks what we’re afraid of, “Mmmm?” The audience keeps laughing at everything even though it isn’t remotely funny. Also Auggie’s trying to put on some sort of accent that makes him accentuate his letter T’s, even in words that don’t even have a T in them – like he said “laties and gentlemen”.

Topanga comes in the room and turns the lights on, and asks what Auggie’s doing. He explains he was talking to “the people” and tells Topanga to say hello to them.

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Topanga asks Auggie where he got the coffin-shaped toybox. He’s just whatever about it and then tells Topanga to say goodbye to the people, and to mean it this time. She tells him to come to dinner, and she means it! She leaves and Auggie says “That was scary!” No. No it wasn’t.

Auggie then asks if we know what scares Farkle. He says Farkle’s fears are only the size of a softball, and says “And you know what goes with a softball?A bat!” He then explodes into a cloud of bats, which I actually thought was a little funny, and then a baseball (or softball, I guess) bat falls to the floor. But that silly prankster Auggie was just messing with us, he was hiding behind the bed and didn’t really become a bunch of flying mammals and a piece of sports equipment! Oh, you!

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Farkle doesn’t want to go to gym class, which I’m surprised to find is not also taught by Cory in that classroom. Farkle’s afraid of getting things thrown at him and getting yelled at. Got no complaints there, that’s pretty reasonable. Also I just realized since this segment is about Farkle’s fears we probably won’t get some extremely irrelevant lesson for Riley out of it.

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So we cut to gym class. Maya is the pitcher, and she’s mean. Normally it’s usually the tallest or beefiest guy in the class who’s really mean about gym, not the pale blonde girl. But Lucas, the tallest and obviously oldest guy in the class, is still pretty rude about gym. Also I don’t know why Maya, Riley, and Lucas are wearing Steam Punk costumes. I mean, I know it’s because it’s Halloween, probably – Farkle’s wearing an aviator-ish costume – but why specifically Steam Punk? Riley seems like the type who’d wear a cupcake costume and not understand when people laugh at her for it.

Riley also asks which hand her mitt goes on, which isn’t that hard to figure out – it has a thumb spot, duh – and Maya tells her “You know which hand it goes on.” I thought this was just another example of Riley being extremely, unbelievably stupid, but it seems she was just playing at being dumb this time, knowing Lucas would come over and help put her glove on for her. Then as he walks away she smacks him playfully. Not on the butt, I don’t think, since these are 7th graders.

Anyway, Farkle strikes out twice, and the power goes out before he has to hit the ball again. He starts taunting Maya but the power comes back on really quickly. Then Lucas calls a time-out and says he’s taking Maya out of the game, making her switch to shortstop. Because apparently she hadn’t thrown a strike, I guess maybe because the catcher caught the ball? I don’t understand sports.

So Lucas becomes the pitcher, and throws the ball really hard and hits Farkle with it. Then Lucas is like “See, it’s not the end of the world?” And Farkle agrees. And now he’s not afraid of softballs. And wants Maya to throw the ball for real. From the sound effects it sounds like he actually hit the ball.

That was lame. I’m one of those people who always hated gym, and never wanted to do anything because I was bad at it. It’s really hard to keep track of everything you’re supposed to keep track of in a lot of games – where the ball or puck is, what you’re supposed to do with it, who to pass it to or how to hit it or whatever, what’s a foul, where does it go, whatever. That’s why I liked 7th grade gym because they’d make us play whatever game for like 10 minutes and then let us do whatever, so you could just spend the whole period walking around the track if you were nervous about getting hit with balls or ruining someone’s game or something. And during rainy days we stays inside and sometimes they’d have people play “crevolley”, and they’d let you just sit on the bleachers instead of playing if you wanted. It was boring to sit there and watch for 45 minutes, but better than getting hit in the face with a ball…

…I got hit in the eye with a basketball in 3rd grade, once.

Next segment:

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Are we expected to believe that a 5 year old knows about Alfred Hitchcock Presents? I’d bet most of the people watching the show didn’t get that reference either. Not just because it’s an old show, but because it’s not like other old shows that are rerun a lot or just naturally part of people’s Collective Conscious, like The Addams Family or The Munsters or I Love Lucy. I know Alfred Hitchcock Presents airs in reruns on I think it’s Antenna TV, but I don’t know if a 5 year old would be watching it.

Hitchsilhouette
“Good evening.”

Auggie tells us that Riley’s afraid of sleeping over at Maya’s house on Halloween. I wonder if that has anything to do with Maya being poor and her mother never being around since she has to work all the time. Probably not.

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Presented without context.

Riley wants a post-trick-or-treat sleeopover so they can trade candy, and Maya suggests they have it at her house this time. Cory agrees, and they talk about how Riley never stays the whole night when she sleeps over at Maya’s. They don’t expand on why.

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So we cut to Maya’s house, or at least, just her bedroom, which is super nice. Maya introduces Riley to her ferret, Ginger, who was actually mentioned in a previous episode. Riley’s afraid of Ginger, and Ginger doesn’t like Riley. So that works out.

Riley’s nervous because of the traffic sounds outside. And also when Maya turns off the lights, there’s this weird silhouette that shines on the wall of a bunny, that flashes to a bigger bunny, then flashes to this:

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The Oogie Boogie Bunny?

Maya explains that it’s just a weird shadow from the new “Bunny Mart” that opened nearby, but does not explain she doesn’t own curtains.

Maya goes to sleep and Riley freaks out because now there’s a second silhouette. It turns out it’s an old lady

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Who is Maya’s grandma. Who was just there for some reason. Riley says she might get to sleep if she couldn’t see the shadows. Maya relents and it turns out she does have a curtain. Some kind of weird set-up where she’s got hooks and a piece of fabric that covers the bottom part of the window.

The girls settle back into bed, and then Maya takes a glance at the window.

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This time she screams, which gets Riley up, and Riley screams, and they go over and take the curtain down, and both scream at what they find.

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This oddly does not rouse the grandmother who just left like a minute ago.

The creature on the right says “Ladies” and they realize it’s Farkle. And Lucas.

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The kid who plays Farkle is super adorable, I think.

Riley asks what they’re doing there in the middle of the night, and Lucas says it’s only 7:15. They were passing by on their way home (from trick or treating) which is weird. What neighborhood do they live in? What neighborhood is this? Where do they live that they finished trick or treating by 7 pm?

Riley’s puzzled as to why Maya made her to go sleep so early, and Maya said she was just trying to put herself out of misery earlier. Truly a friendship for the ages.

Maya’s grandma comes in because she heard boys. So the screaming wasn’t an issue, I guess. Maya points out the boys are outside, and grandma’s cool with that. Farkle asks Lucas if he wants to learn how to pick up “older women.” Oh, Farkle. Never change.

Uhh Lucas at some point asks Riley what she’s so scared of, because it’s really nice outside.

So Riley then tells Maya not to put the curtain back up, because she was scared of Farkle until he took his mask off, and now that’s how she feels about Maya’s neighborhood – it’s not so scary after all. How in all hell did she make this epiphany is beyond me.

The girls stick their head out the window and Maya says she never noticed how pretty her neighborhood was. We’ll take her word for it, I guess. She asks Riley if she’s ready to go to sleep yet, but Riley wants to stay up a bit longer. Not because she’s scared, but because she “wants to see what happens next.”

And not because this is a sleepover and it’s only 7 pm and they’re 12 or 13 years old.

This segment was also lame. Seriously, Riley’s just like “Oh I’m magically not afraid of your neighborhood anymore because Farkle was wearing a mask the whole time!”

But now we come to the lamest segment of all. The saved the worst for last – Auggie’s fear, which is of a monster under his bed. And it turns out the true monster was inside him all along.

Oh I guess I should watch it before I decide what the moral was.

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Nice pajamas. Your guess is as good as mine for why he’s somehow still wearing multiple layers of shirts for pajamas, though.

Cory and Topanga have decided they aren’t letting Auggie sleep with them anymore. But Auggie’s afraid of the monster under his bed. But there’s no monster, only toys!

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Cory gives him Mr. Googly, and Auggie tells Mr. Googly to keep a look out for monsters. Then he drops Googly on the floor and someone under the bed takes him. But then a big foam foot comes out. Auggie picks it up and says “What the??”

The thing under the bed tells him to give back Mr. Bobbly, and they arrange a trade. They then accuse each other of being the monster under/over the bed, and say the other one is the scary one.

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The under the bed monster crawls out, and they introduce themselves. Monster’s name is Simon P. Littleboyeater. Auggie doesn’t like this and screams. Topanga and Cory are actually concerned about screaming children, and come in to see what the matter is. Topanga gives him a “monster-proof tuck job.” Doesn’t work.

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Auggie tells Mr. Littleboyeater that he can’t just go around living under people’s beds. But that’s Simon’s home. Auggie asks if Simon’s always been under his bed, and Simon confirms he has. The reason Auggie’s never seen Simon before is because Simon’s saying goodbye. Since Auggie’s not scared of him anymore, he has to leave. Auggie’s not scared because they’re friends now. I guess.

Simon gives Auggie a box of stuff that he thought he’d lost, but it turns out Simon just played with the stuff during the day while Auggie was at school. Auggie tells him he can keep the stuff.

Topanga and Cory come in and ask if Auggie’s okay, because he’s been quiet for all of a minute, I guess. Auggie confirms he’s fine, and Simon tells Auggie not to forget him. Oh Simon also said something about how he can only be under the bed of little boys, and little boys “grow up”. I guess that was significant.

Eh… Lame.

During the credits, Auggie says goodbye to us, but it turns out he was Simon P. Littleboyeater the whole time?

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Seriously those pajamas are really cute.

I guess I can’t really expect the wonderful life lesson about facing your fears to make a lot of sense when they come at the end of 7 minute segments, but, still. Yeesh. This episode was lame. As I’ve said repeatedly.

Bonus: Apparently Maya’s grandmother is Ms. Garret from Diff’rent Strokes and The Facts of Life. I could’ve sworn she had died a couple years ago, though, but I guess didn’t.

OR DID SHE?! AAH SPOOKY.

You know, so far we really know way more about Farkle than about supposed love interest Lucas. Lucas is nice and helpful, and that’s about it. He’s still pretty bland, honestly. And not interesting – Mr. Perfect, Nice, Kind, and Sensitive is pretty boring. He has to also own horses or run a dog shelter, at least.

Oh, uh, I give this episode a bat out of 10.

I hope nobody minds that my episode ratings are nonsensical, by the way.

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